transforming inspiring quote….

“the moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place.”
~ Barbara De

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moving forward – inspiring quote

“Each day is a special gift from God, and while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success.”

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my body speaks – my “aha” moment this week

My “aha” moment this week is that I can indeed trust my body and that I have been trusting my body at the core level.  It tells me and guides me with exactly what it needs.  I have been listening to my body.

The question at hand is do I trust what my mind tells me about my body?  This is when the negative self-talk enters or doubt or other things that the mind finds ‘wrong’.  Meditation is teaching me to train my mind & sooth those thoughts.  For the body will follow the mind and even though the body will fight from the core on what it knows that I need….it will ultimately manifest into what my mind thinks.

We had a nice discussion at the coffee shop after yoga on Saturday.  The two of us there were repeat students and talking about the challenge of not comparing our progress to the last time around.  Knowing that when we might have been at the point we are now, we had a whole other level of “energy” and excitement about how far we had come on the program and how much weight we may have lost.  We are at a different level now, a different path.  My outlook this week is to cultivate that same excitement for every little accomplishment that I make in line with the project.  That for the whole week, I find that feeling of what would it “feel” like to live lighter and live with how that feels….regardless of what the scale says.  My intention this week is to cultivate what it feels like to feel fabulous & start living it NOW.  What are we waiting for?  The scale to have a perfect number on it?

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thanks for the support…the whale story

The Whale… In case you missed a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same. 

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.

And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

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a scent of spring, a hint of sprouting

In my last update to Chris, I mentioned that I finally feel that I am beginning to feel as though I’m coming out of the darkness.  There has been a lot of crying, a lot of things arising and then letting go and a lot of moving forward.  The age old expression of when you fall, you must get up and keep going.  Well, after literally falling on the slick ice during that ice-storm that we had, I hurt myself and have had a hairline fracture on my left sit bone, that I’ve been tending to.  Our winter trip to Northern MI to go skiing with friends turned into me being red-shirted and learning many-many lessons as they unfolded in front of me moment by moment.  It became a very healing weekend and if I had not been physically hurt, I do not believe that the lessons would have unfolded the same.

I have been focusing on many things and one being to appreciate my body as it heals and still provides for me in many ways.

I’m back on the saddle and slowly emerging just as the crocus will as spring continues….  🙂  🙂  🙂


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a quote on letting go….

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~Jan Glidewell

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the truth: come out, come out wherever you are

After reading Chris’ blog on The Two “C” Words, tears streamed down my face.  I seem to be releasing tears on a daily basis.  There is a lot of Change occurring and it is completely out of my Control and that my friends has left me spinning.
At the beginning of the project I had a new outlook on “trust the process”, I took the steps to begin and be “all-in”  then something happened.  FEAR arrived.  I didn’t recognize FEAR as being something that didn’t belong as part of the process, because FEAR always shows up and we ‘seem’ to dance the dance & fake it ’til we make it without many really knowing.  FEAR arrived and I stopped in my tracks.  Fatigue arrived, I slept more, depression trickled in, I began to eat more and couldn’t stop and didn’t know why and it’s because FEAR was and is living within me.  deeply seeded…
TRUST is a my road block.  To begin….sadly, I do not think that I TRUST my body….why?  Because I have let go many times in the past and have felt hurt & betrayed.  My husband and I have not been able to conceive a child.  Isn’t it interesting that not being able to conceive a child has made me feel hurt and betrayed?….especially on a spiritual level. With all of the fertility tests and treatments, it is neither of our ‘faults’ it is simply ‘unexplained.’  As a woman, this feels like the ultimate failure .  TRUSTing my body is a road block at this point.  TRUSTing the process to get my body feeling healthy and sensual and like a woman and pretty is completely surrounded by FEAR & especially FEAR of failure.  I really thought that I was “OK” with all of this and moving on.  I really thought that I was in a good place and really ‘getting’ that it was not in my control and in God’s….that feels logical to me and not something that comes from deep within in my soul.  With our choice to move forward with adoption has reminded me of the losses & of the loss that we will not be having a biological child of our own and will not be genetically connected to us and grieving re-surfaces at different times even when we think we are ‘over’ something.  I let the grief come for a moment.  Felt it to my core and am now moving past it.
We will be blessed with a child thru adoption when the time is right (Oh and the #1 most offensive thing to say to someone on the adoption path is, “yes, adopt, because then you’ll get pregnant” so please refrain from saying that).  We have many things to be thankful for and can see some of the “reasons”.  Last school year, we were able to take our twin nephews whom were 12 at the time and have them live with us during the school year as their family went through some troubled times.  Currently as I write this post, I am staying with all 3 nephews as my brother-in-law travels for business.  I know that if we had kids of our own, we would not have been able to be there for my hubby’s brother and his kids and make a positive difference in their lives at such an impressionable age.
I will not ‘fake it ’til we make it with FEAR at my side this time around.  FEAR, this isn’t working – I do not want you in my life anymore.  Just be prepared that when you arrive I am going to be stronger and it won’t be fun for you to hang out here either.  I need to make room for TRUST and the TRUTH.
So to answer the question – am I “in”?  I am so deeply “in” and digging around and yes, fell down for awhile in the trenches of darkness.  Pulling myself up and out to get back to the “in” of the project.
Thank you Chris for your support and words of encouragement and wisdom, it touches my soul and has been so needed.
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